How To Give Constructive Criticism

“Don't mind criticism. If it is untrue, disregard it; if unfair, keep from irritation; if it is ignorant, smile; if it is justified it is not criticism, learn from it.”

“Criticism is a misconception: we must read not to understand others but to understand ourselves.” Emile M. Cioran

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Winston Churchill

CONSIDER YOUR MOTIVE FIRST.

What do you desire to accomplish? Is it selfish? Is it from anger or hurt feelings? Will what you say benefit others?

“God will not ask you when and where you did service? He will ask, with what motive did you do it? What was the intention that prompted you? You may weigh the service and boast of its quantity. But God seeks quality - the quality of heart, the purity of mind, the holiness of motive.”

“What makes life boring is the want of a motive.” T.S. Eliot

WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU WILL SAY.

Begin with any affirmations that are sincere about the other person. Use facts, opinions, intuitions, and feelings. Read it over several times and rewrite until it sounds like what you want to convey. Practice saying it out loud in front of a mirror.

“Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are.” Soren Kierkegaard

“The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!” General George S. Patton

“Always respect another's opinion and another's point of view.”

“Opinion is ultimately determined by the feelings, and not by the intellect” Herbert Spencer

“Learn to let your intuition—gut instinct—tell you when the food, the relationship, the job isn’t good for you (and conversely, when what you’re doing is just right).” Oprah Winfrey

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.”

ASK FOR AN APPOINTMENT TO SPEAK WITH THE OTHER PERSON.

Be amiable to his or her schedule. Say, "I have something I have been thinking about, and I want to share it with you."

SET ASIDE ALL EXPECTATIONS AND ACCUSATIONS.

Be open to hearing the others reasoning. Don't argue, Knowing your motives as suggested above will help you communicate without arguing.

“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.” Denis Waitley

“Anger always comes from frustrated expectations” Elliott Larson

“The quality of expectations determines the quality of our action.” A. Godin

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”

“Let your accusations be few in number, even if they be just”

THANK THE OTHER PERSON FOR LISTENING.

“Set up the listening. Prepare who you are talking to for what you want them to hear. Get people to listen as a possibility rather than a problem.” Mal Pancoast

“What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it - would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have.” Ralph Marston